Earlier this week, Paul McDonald and Tommy Nifong discuss the state of their hearts. They share what they are learning, areas that God is showing them and where they can grow in their faith and relationship with Him. You can listen to the full conversation on the Trailmarker podcast on iTunes, Google Play, and online.
Tommy: I would say, in one sense, good. In some sense, I think from a human perspective, it’s easy for me to be concerned with myself. And I’ll explain that, won’t just leave it there.
Paul: Yeah, please do (laughing).
Tommy: The current state of my heart is heavily, heavily leaning into whatever the heck it is God is doing, cuz I don’t know. It’s not like everything is falling apart, and everything is going wrong. It’s just that I’ve been in a constant state of, kind of, if at any point I try to take control, at all, which usually God is willing to let me do. He usually is. He will let me grab hold and ride things out for a while, before He slaps me in the back of the head.
Paul: It’s a little reminder of how much we can screw things up when we try to wrest control of the steering wheel from God.
Tommy: Yeah, and I’ve just realized, man, I’m in a season now where I just can’t. I cannot. I can’t do it. It’s not like I’m standing there and someone asks me to do something, and I’m like, “No, no, God’s got this. I can’t do anything.” It’s like if I wake up in the morning, and I go to work, and I go, “Okay, I’m gonna do a good job today,” it gets shot down. I just destroy something. I will break it. I will make it not work. I can’t focus. I get anxiety. I get frustrated. And I cannot do anything.
If I come home and say, “I’m going to be, just in my own power and force of my will, I’m just going to impress my wife. I’m really going to make her happy.” And I always end up arguing with her the whole night. Like, when I try anything through my own efforts, in the past few weeks, has just failed, hard. And it terrified me.